Critique my admissions essay?

Q: I don't suppose its really that good. I know the grammar sucks but I'm not in actuality looking ot fix that yet. I just want to know if I'm getting my specifics pointer across.
I don't care if you're harsh. I am after all asking for your opinion

I still remember the first day of English my sophomore year. Everyone was talking, smiling, and discussing new classes. As soon as the bell rang, we began to take our seats. Willingly after, our English teacher walked through
the door. As he went to go sit in his rolling bench the classroom became so quiet you could hear a pin drop. It was like the classroom was muted as he began to get agreeable for class. It was no surprise to me. You could almost consider him a legend at our school. We all heard him yelling in the hallways and his classroom. Preceding students have talked about failing his class and his difficult lessons. He was also acclaimed for having quite a temper. I never thought he would be the one to influence me the most through out high-pitched school.

For the first several months we read difficult books and wrote many essays. I knew Enriched English would be a contest by I never thought it would be that difficult. Eventually we started to read on of William Shakespeare’s most favoured plays, The Tragedy of Julius Caesar. As we got to Act IV Scene III, my teacher assigned us to learn word for word:
“We at the height are ready to decline.
There is a tide in the affairs of men
Which, captivated at the flood, leads on to fortune;
Omitted, all the voyage of their subsistence
Is bound in shallows and in miseries.
On such a full sea are we now afloat,
And we must take the current when it serves,
Or overcome our ventures.”


Being only fifteen, I did not under the point of memorizing eight lines from Julius Caesar. After a week of memorizing and presenting, my schoolmaster finally sat down and explained why we had to do all of that.

He first explained this quotation from the point of sight of Brutus. Brutus compared the tide to the war. If they take advantage of the tide and of, they may float and travel far. If they back out of the fight, they will never know what the “voyage” or what could have happened in the end. They will only be tied in shallows and in miseries in a sea full of “what ifs.” My teacher then told us he wanted us to muse on this as we walked across the stage at graduation. At the end of high school, our own tide is at its inundation. This is the point where we can choose our fate. We can go on and take risks and try to achieve our fullest imminent or we can sit by and which our tide go by. If we move on from high school, we can achieve great things or flop. If we sit and wait for something to happen, we will never know what could have been. My teacher then introduced us the point of free will opposed to fate because that is one of the main themes through out Julius Caesar. In duration there are something that are supposed to happen, however, it is our responsibility to decided when the choice is ours.

I have enchanted the words of my teacher and used them to look at my own life. My innate raised my alone with the help of my two grandparents. Neither my mom nor her siblings went on to college. They all did get salubrious jobs, started families, and still live within 10 miles of residence. No one moved on to change the world or reach their maximum imminent. When I was younger, I always saw myself destined to be like them. Good job, good one's nearest, but nothing spectacular. When I got my first report card in middle school my female parent told me that I was the first in my family to ever make the honor roll. It made me proud of myself to advised of that I was different than my family. It also gave me the drive to work harder. As I entered apex school I realized that instead of just being content with my existence, I wanted achieve my fullest potential. My English lecturer made me realize that it is possible for me to do that. I can choose where I want to go in life and what I hunger for to do. As long as I don’t sit around and I actually work for what I want, I can go anywhere in life. I assume trust to I have worked really hard through out high school so that I can be in lever of my future. I have made National Honor Society, Tri-Music Honor Society, and I have yet to maiden making the honor roll. I have always challenged my self by engaging honor and Advanced Placement classes through out these four years. Through unfeeling work and determination I became different than what I thought I was destined to be.

The lessons I have highbrow in tenth grade English even apply to my current condition. While my journey in high school is almost over, a new door is opening. I am not affluent to go sit and wait for my chance at being a success to come. I know that I requisite to go to college, pursue an amazing career, and help the lives of others. My simultaneous is ready to serve. I am not going to sit and wait and ask “what could have been?” I actually believe that I am dedicated enough to make it through all of the hard
work and result I became different than what I thought I was destined to be.
The lessons I have learned in tenth order English even apply to my current situation. While my journey in squiffed school is almost over, a new door is opening. I am not going to go sit and wait for my risk at being a success to come. I know that I want to go to college, up an amazing career, and help the lives of others. My current is primed to serve. I am not going to sit and wait and ask “what could have been?” I decidedly believe that I am dedicated enough to make it through all of the hard work that lies at the of me. I will never quit because I know that I want to make it the top someday and I discern it is up to me to do it.
I was terrified of my English teacher at first, but now I am so grateful I had him to help me through out the years. Although, not everyone would jibe consent to with me about him, I believe he really did inspire me. Now that high school is hope to an end, it is up to me to tak

A: I fair-minded spent a while typing something up, but I don't think it worked, so I'll try again:

First Paragraph- throughout (not through out)

Jiffy Paragraph- "...challenge, but I never..."

Fourth Paragraph- "...comprehend OF the voyage..."
"...what could have HAPPENED."
"...introduced TO us..."
"there are SOME THINGS that..."

Fifth Paragraph- "...raised ME alone..."
"No one moved on... highest point potential." <- Should probably be eliminated
"...to be like them: solicitous job..."

Sixth Paragraph- "My reported is ready to serve." <- Awkward
"...someday, and I be versed..." (comma after someday)
"Although not everyone would concur with me, I believe..."
Unfinished last sentence?

Try to expunge redundancy!!

I'm not sure what the exact essay topic is. If it is about someone who has influenced you, then try to nobs the information about your unrelated achievements, and focus on how your teacher has made a variation. If it is about your achievements, then try to eliminate the details about your class and teacher, and extend more on your specific successes.

Overall, this is a very well written essay. It already has clearness and a well defined voice. It is a great idea to refer to gone and forgotten events and how they have influenced you today.

Good luck with this, and I desire I helped!!